I am day dreaming about curling up under my desk and taking a George Costanza nap.
I’m not all that tired. Punkie has been sleeping well. We were forced to resort to “sleep training,” which sounds ridiculous to me and I suppose that’s a whole other post, but I think he is on the right path now.
I am stressed out. So many things are weighing on me today, and I don’t have time for distractions. I have 100 things to do before the end of the work day and I have my annual performance review this afternoon. For me, stress is a parasite – it sucks the energy from me. Stress makes me want a George Costanza nap.
First, the worry. Raise your hand if you’ve ever heard of Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease. Nobody? Me either, until yesterday. Apparently, it’s going around the kids in Punkie’s room at day care. Two kids are out today, and Punkie is just not himself. I’m on the look out for SORES in his mouth and BLISTERS on his adorable dimpled hands and feet. Sores and blisters. On my baby. What the hell?! I called his pediatrician’s office and they said it’s common and benign and I shouldn’t worry. But…SORES AND BLISTERS ON MY BABY. I’m going to find some time this afternoon to visit Punkie, before my performance review, and see how he’s doing.
Second, the emotion. Today is Maggie’s birthday. Maggie was my best friend for 16 years – a yellow lab who held my heart in her paws. She died last August and not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about her. Today is her birthday and obviously, for the first time on 16 years, I’m not going to be getting her the usual birthday cheeseburger. I know, I know…she’s a dog. But she was incredibly important to me. We went through a lot together – law school, bar exam, first job as a lawyer, moving, getting married, divorced, moving, getting married, and on and on. She was my rock.
Third, the drama. I am drama adverse – it freaks me the hell out. Don’t run to me with your office politics and your “I dreamed you were mad at me” bullshit. But, like so many other people, I have drama in my life that follows me wherever I go, without fail. I don’t get along very well with my immediate family and that is the source of 98% of the drama in my life. And today I am obsessing about it. I’m not going to go into a lot of detail here, but will say that we’re having a big family get-together this weekend with my immediate family and my husband’s parents and that this has the potential to be a source of incredible drama. By “incredible drama,” I mean a hydrogen bomb of drama dropped directly on my head. But now I have a child and I don’t want him to grow up thinking that this is how things should be, or that his mother is a punching bag. And I don’t want my husband’s family dragged into this stuff. In addition to the feelings of drama dread, I am resentful that this is ruining my otherwise enjoyable long weekend. I’ve been looking forward to this damn long weekend for months and now I am dreading it like a root canal. And before you suggest that I find someone to work through this all with, please note that my therapist recently retired.
So, in summary: Stress = parasite = no energy = George Castanza nap.