How to Get Away With Murder, A Review

I’ve watched the entire Gilmore Girls series and no longer have a go-to show to watch while I’m nursing.  I saw the previews for How to Get Away With Murder and thought I’d watch to see if I liked it.  Who knows, maybe it’ll be my new show, I thought to myself.

Um . . . is this show for real?  There are probably no fewer than A MILLION people alive today who have attended law school for some period of time.  My suggestion to the show creators is to FIND ONE and have them explain how absurdly terrible this show is.

Don’t get me wrong – I am no TV snob.  I love some great shows and I love plenty of, shall we say . . . low-brow shows (which Real Housewives of [insert geography] franchise have I NOT watched?).  I also enjoy lawyer shows.  Sure, the court house scenes are cheesy, they never follow the rules of civil procedure, and I would personally never hire any of the TV lawyers who I watch on TV, but I have the ability to suspend my disbelief and enjoy a show for what it is. Until I saw this show.

The first episode of How to Get Away With Murder starts with a cluelessly happy young man riding his bike to his very first day of law school at some ivy-covered law school building.  As he walks down the lecture hall stairs, the camera pans over to some asshat in a suit (that’s not the unbelievable part) who says with gusto, something like “I just finished an internship with a Supreme Court Justice.”  Really? That’s just not possible.  As the guy walks around the entire room, the comments from the other students get more and more stupid as he walks.

Not to spoil more weird dialogue for you, but later on, toward the end of the episode, the main character tells the cluelessly happy guy (who’s still clueless but no longer happy by that point, which is, admittedly, the most realistic part of the show), that everything in his life depends on whether he, a law student with what seems like one week of law school under his belt, decides to intern for this law professor’s firm.  He can sit in a corporate office “…drafting contracts and hitting on chubby paralegals before finally putting a gun in [his] mouth…,” or he can join her.  Apparently, there’s no other way on Earth he can avoid working in-house for a corporation, and that’s objectively a bad thing [insert sarcasm].

W…T…F.  This might be the perspective of a BIGLAW partner or two out there, but this is supposed to be a law school professor.

I’ll bet the writers of the show did little hand slaps and fist bumps after they wrote this, but UUUGGGHHH, it’s so terrible.  These writers have a really warped view of the legal profession – maybe they were beaten with law books as children.

Also, as an aside –  hiring interns begs some touchy legal issues these days.  I hope for her sake that she pays these students.

And don’t get me started on how a woman who purports to be a law professor can toss away an entire curriculum of criminal law and force her students (who have been in law school for literally less than one day and who know no criminal law, because she didn’t teach them anything) to work on a live criminal case currently being handled by her firm. She seems proud of the fact that she intends to teach the students ZERO criminal law.  What is this law school?  Certainly, it’s not an accredited school.  I want to yell “get your tuition back before it’s too late, fools!,” but I know the actors they dressed up as preppy tools won’t listen.

Furthermore, this professor spent the year or more while this trial was pending apparently NOT preparing and then, the day before the trial begins, asked a bunch of kids to come up with legal arguments.  That’s malpractice.  When she reveals her strategy finally, it is basically that she’s going to make the witnesses look bad.  She praises the student who slept with someone to get information and the student who illegally obtained an email that would no doubt be inadmissible in a real court.  She really ought to just stick to the text book.

I’ll leave you with this one last gripe (lucky you?) – I was startled to see the actress who played Paris Geller in Gilmore Girls now plays a lawyer who works for the professor’s firm in How to Get Away With Murder.  Since my Gilmore Girls reboot plan (https://thelawyergetsakid.com/2014/09/24/gilmore-girls-2-0-a-modest-proposal/) involves the Paris Geller character to a large degree, I am dismayed to realize that this stupid show will make my dreams impossible.

Gilmore Girls 2.0, a Modest Proposal

During my maternity leave, I noticed one day while I was nursing that the Gilmore Girls (“GG”) was in reruns on the ABC Family channel.  They were playing the pilot episode and I loved it.

After that, I would turn GG on each day while I nursed.  When I went back to work, I set the DVR to record it each day so I could watch it while I nursed in the evening.

Well, over nine months later, I just watched the last episode of GG.  What a great show!  I liked it so much, I really think they need to reboot it, kind of like Netflix did with Arrested Development.  Although, GG won’t work the way Arrested Development was redone.  You can’t isolate one main character from the GG each into their own episodes – it would need to be a fully integrated, complete show.

So here’s my modest proposal for a brand new Gilmore Girls show – GG 2.0, if you will:

  • First thing is first – you need Amy Sherman-Palladino and Lauren Graham. You can’t reboot GG without both of them.  We’ll have to get Parenthood cancelled (how hard could that be, really?).  And I don’t know what Ms. Sherman-Palladino is up to, but we would need to tank that as well.
  • Think Gilmore Girls meets Auntie Mame. Lorelei raises her grandson in Stars Hollow with Luke, her now-husband. Rory had such a satisfying farewell in the last episode that it was like a touching goodbye to that character.  At the end, Rory told her mom, Lorelei, that Lorelei gave her everything she needed.  Sorry, Rory, but it only makes sense to reboot with your offspring.  In the opening scene, Lorelei is presented with her grandson, to whom she is now suddenly legal guardian because Rory and her husband, also a reporter, tragically died in a car accident on their way home from accepting the Pulitzer Prize.
  • I propose this grandchild be a boy.  We had the Lorelei and daughter experience in GG 1.0 and we also had April, who is basically the Scrappy-Doo or Cousin Oliver of GG.  We don’t need another adorable, smart young girl character.  Make him more fast talker than stereotypically smart – think a mix between Jess and Logan.  Lets go with the spunky, fast-talking boy option.
  • Lorelei’s best friend, Sookie, is not a regular character in GG 2.0 because Melissa McCarthy is so famous now – I’m sure she wouldn’t agree to be a full-time regular on the show.  I say Sookie is away, maybe in California, opening another Dragon Fly Inn, like a franchise.  We can see her from time to time when Melissa McCarthy has a break between movies.  Maybe we give her a show on the Food Network or make her an Iron Chef, just for laughs.
  • Lorelei’s new best friend is . . . yes, Paris Geller.  Paris married Doyle and the two of them are of course now rich and powerful after Paris, let’s say, invented a new medical device to cure some funny but embarrassing ailment like, I don’t know, maybe Athlete’s Foot.  We can work on this.  In any case, Paris has moved to Stars Hollow to raise her kid, who she wants to have the same idealic upbringing of her good friend, Rory.  Lets put her right next door to Lorelei in Babbette’s old house because I’m sure Sally Strothers is going to be too busy for the Netflix-produced reboot.  We can have Paris be a new lecturing professor at Chilton so she overlaps with Lorelei’s grandson.  Plus, since she has not mellowed at all, Paris dealing with students will be funny to watch.
  • Chilton brings me to Emily and Richard.  We need them back, paying for Chilton again.  Friday night dinners are a must.  And their great-grandson gets into Chilton because of his family and charm and, unlike his mother, not because of his brain power.
  • Lane and Zack need to be there.  I say Lane and Zack are now music teachers in town and they have the twins, AND they’re still playing with Gil and Brian.  If Miss Patty can’t return for whatever reason, put Lane and Zack’s music school in her studio and continue to have the town meetings there.  Lane will be Rory’s son’s Lorelei Gilmore (reference to the Lane’s baby shower episode).
    • This is very important – both or maybe just one of Lane’s kids need to rebel.  They/he hate music and they/he love bible study.  They hide things in the floor boards and rebel whenever they can.
    • Throw in Mrs. Kim too because she’s awesome.  In fact, if the actress who plays Miss Patty wants to come back, put Lane and Zack’s music school somewhere in Mrs. Kim’s antique store.  Mrs. Kim can conspire against Lane with Lane’s kids.
  • The town needs to be a character in the reboot, like it was in the original.
    • Town meetings are a must-have.
    • Michel is a must-have, in every episode.  Give him 5 dogs because it would be fun.
    • Kirk is a must-have.  Add in Taylor, Gypsie, Liz, Miss Patty . . .  heck, all the town folk. Even the troubadour.

What are your thoughts on the reboot?