Astraphobia, a Fear of Thunder

magsThere’s a thunder storm outside my window.  I have a pile of documents to review and revise and a to-do list that just won’t quit, but there is a storm.  And it makes me feel sad and anxious.

I might be more easily distracted than usual because we aren’t sleeping well these days.  Lately, Punkie wakes up 3 or 4 times a night.  We’re not sure what’s going on there, but we’re considering sleep training methods for the first time.

But what’s on my mind today is Maggie.  She was my best friend for 16 years, and I lost her when I was 5 months pregnant with Punkie.  That was 10 months ago and thinking about her still brings real tears to my eyes.  I loved her so much – she was my family.

Maggie was a gorgeous, mellow, and intelligent yellow lab.  She and I went through a lot together – law school, bar exams, too many moves to count, new jobs, a marriage, a divorce.  Career burnout.  Depression.         Recovery.             New happiness.

She was my rock.  There were some days when I don’t think I could have gotten out of bed had it not been for the fact that I had to take care of this beautiful creature who loved me unconditionally.

Maggie was terrified of thunder. Thunder was one of only three things that scared her – the other two were garbage trucks and fireworks, which seem understandable to me.

For 16 years, every time the thunder rolled in, Maggie would shake and cry.  If I could, I would rush home to comfort her.  If I saw storms in the forecast, I would close the curtains and turn up the radio and hope she couldn’t ‘t see or hear the storm.

I used to love storms as a kid.  I would sit on a porch or in the garage and watch the lightning.  But now, after so many years with my friend,when I see the first flash of light, I think “MAGGIE!” and my heart jumps in my chest.

I miss her.  I wish Punkie had been able to know her.

 

 

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