I work outside of the home full time and Punkie enjoys a good bottle of milk, so I use my electric breast pump three times a day while at the office. Sometimes, if he’s had a big day of playing, I will pump again after he’s gone to bed because, on those big days, he will fall asleep during our evening nursing session.

Pumping is a hassle. Since I spend a total of one hour during the work day pumping, I come to work early and I skip lunch. Even though I make up the time, I still feel like the regular pumping interruptions are difficult – my door is shut more often and it seems to never fail that I will have to take a break just as I get on a roll with a project.

I would love to be able to take phone calls or schedule conference calls during my pumping sessions. The problem is that a caller will hear the pump. WHOOSH . . . WHOOSH . . . WHOOSH.  I’ve used the phone to talk to my husband several times while pumping and he always asks, “what is that terrible noise?” I called my parents one time while pumping and they were actually quite irritated by the noise. I had to explain to each of them what the noise was, at an elevated volume because they apparently couldn’t hear me over the whooshing.  You haven’t lived life to the fullest until you’ve yelled out “I’m using my breast pump” at the office (twice).

I could never take a professional call while pumping. Actually, I couldn’t take any other call while pumping. How do I explain to a work colleague that, while I’m advising them on the wording of a liability provision of a contract, I have an electric pump milking me like I’m a dairy cow? Unprofessional, right? And, in all honesty, kind of embarrassing.

I would waste less time if only I were less modest.

 WHOOSH . . . WHOOSH . . . WHOOSH . . .

What noise? I don’t hear any noise. Maybe it’s a bad phone connection.